Your dad touched me again.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
