My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
