I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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