Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
