And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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