I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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