why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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