I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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