On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
