I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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