I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
