He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
