it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
