I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
