y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
