i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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