Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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