3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
