he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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