Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
