There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize