woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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