so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
