I hate all girls vehemently.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
