are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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