So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
