sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
