I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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