So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
