apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
