For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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