He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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