we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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