Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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