I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
