YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
