hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
