So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
