paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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