A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize