If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
