A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
