what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
