omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
