the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
