just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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