i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the high leading the old right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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