i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
