Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
