I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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