my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
