There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
