Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
