At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
