wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
