I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
