I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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