Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
