So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
