I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
