Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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