this beer tastes like vomit already
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
