Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
