Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
